It doesn’t matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives. Trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that is the point of all the pain, the fear, and the crap. Maybe going through all that is what keeps us moving forward. It’s what pushes us. Maybe we need to get a little messed up before we can step up. ~Grey’s Anatomy
My friend and I were watching Grey’s Anatomy last night and this quote was at the very end of the show. It was one of those moments when it hit me that maybe all I have gone through the past little while is just moving me forward to another place. My friend kicked me and said “That is so you” and we had a good laugh about deep moments on television shows. I guess through this whole process I have tried to keep moving forward, it is the only way I am going to get out of it, and believe me I want to be done with this season as quickly as I can!! Hopefully this particular mess I find myself in will help me step up to be a a better person, to be more compassionate, to be a better friend, to be a healthier person, physicaly and emotionally. I do not want this experience to be in vain, so I am trying to learn all the lessons that I am supposed to learn from this event. I pray that one day, my experiences will be able to help someone else going through similar circumstances.
Proverbs 18:10 says ” The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous runs into it and is safe.” So many times though, we choose not to run into that strong tower and we keep fighting until we are wounded and broken. It is so easy in our world to put our best face forward, while inside we are falling apart. We can keep it from people for so long but then when we finally break from the pressure of trying to “keep it all together”, the fallout can be painful. We become so adept at hiding who we really are that we think we are even fooling God sometimes. Only when we reach that place of true brokenness, can we give Him our wounds and scars to heal. Then we are truly safe. The bridge of Natalie Grant‘s song “Safe” just kind of kicked me in the gut yesterday when I was listening to this song. It says, ” When You uncovered I discovered that I am not afraid, but when we’re hiding, we’re only fighting to be sane.” The process of uncovering is not pleasant but I know that I am safe with the One who is doing the uncovering.
Yesterday we had a great discussion at mandythompson.com about understanding everything we go through it and whether or not that it has some divine purpose. I realized during this season of my life that I do not have to understand it, I just have to believe. This is a great song that I listen to several times a day to help me keep focused on the positive things. This song is so where I am at and I know that I just have to believe.
I have to believe that He sees my darkness
I have to believe that He knows my pain
I have to lift up my hands to worship
Worship His name
I have to declare that He is my refuge
I have to deny that I am alone
I have to lift up my eyes to the mountains
It’s where my help comes from
He said that He’s forever faithful
He said that He’s forever true
He said that He can move mountains
And if He can move mountains
He can move my mountain
He can move Your mountain too
I have to stand tall when the wind blows me over
I have to stand strong when I’m weak and afraid
I have to grab hold, hold of the garments
Garments of praise
I have to sing praise when the hour is midnight
He unlocks the chains that bind up my soul
My sin and my shame, He has forgiven, and made me whole
I have to believe
I have and continue to be in a very difficult season in my life. I don’t understand it all nor am I really trying to at this point. I just continue to hold to the promises that God has given me. Jeremiah 29:11 is my lifeline right now. Through all that has happened, I have felt God near in a way that I have never before. I know that He is for me and that when this season is over, there is something great waiting for me on the other side. This song pretty much sums up how I feel right now.
Well, I have totally dropped the blog ball for the past few weeks. Needless to say, life got a little hectic and my brain has been fried by the time I get home from work. What I can say is that no matter how chaotic life gets, God is still in control and if we take time to stop and look, we can see God working in and through us. I have been reading alot lately in Psalms. It is an amazing book. David wrote some of the most beautiful psalms during the most difficult times in his life. Psalms, 37, 62, and 63. Have been my favorites.
I heard a song recently and I can’t get it out of my head. It talks about not just going through the motions but living each day with God’s passion inside of us. My favorite part of this song is the second verse. It talks about not having any regrets and just okay is not enough. I think so many times we just settle for okay when what God really wants is to give us abundant life.